Untold Tales: I Must Marry Asmau




If you really want to hear it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is how it all started. Fortunately, I am in a great mood to talk, because someone has just repeated Nursery two, again. But, first! You have to know that I am not a child. True! I can be nervous ... very, very clumsily nervous at times, but why will you say that I am a child? Two out of my five years have already been spent chasing Asmau. I have tasted the sweetness and bitterness of Love. How, then, am I a child? Listen! Now listen and observe how adult-ly ... how calmly I am going to tell you the whole story.


It is impossible to say if it was love at first sight; but the day her mom brought Asmau to my class, I heard Celine Dion in the high-pitch sound coming from her wide mouth. The passion was there - you could see it in the tears running wildly down her face, and, somehow, I felt like it was all directed to me. Honoured, I gave her my cutest giggle, but the passion has overwhelmed her. She cried throughout the remainder of the day, and - as a gentleman - I continued sending her giggles. I'm very certain she would have been giggled to death if closing time didn't come in time to save her. That was in Nursery one.


Now this is the point. You think I am a child. Children know nothing. But you should have seen me! You should have seen how I proceeded with such caution, such clairvoyance, such manliness, the likes of which only an adult like myself could have pulled off.



The next day, everyone at home was surprised at how peaceful the world could get as my mother took my bath and prepared me for school. Oh, you would have laughed to see how I suffered in silence while she scrubbed my face with the damned sponge. I knew I was going to get my revenge on her in some other ways, so I even smiled when she almost turned my bombom white with dusting powder. She lied against the rashes.


But I wouldn't care about that. I had to appear fresh in school. And, with everyone unaware of the killer heat boiling my buttocks, I strutted into the class like a prince, and I bet Asmau's eyes twinkled when she beheld my royal face. Our class teacher, Miss Yekini, threw me a sexy glance but I refused to look in her direction. My heart belonged to Asmau and I didn't want to be polygamous like my father. I could only hope she understood that at least.


Never before that day had I felt the extent of my charms, for during break, we shared our first hug. Aww, hugs are therapeutic. And then we held hands and skipped around the playground and there was no one to judge me. Nobody could judge me because they all believed I was a child, just like you.


You see, in less than 48 hours I became the apple of her lovely eyes. Ha! Would a child have been so smart as this? Even God knew long distance relationships could be worrying, so He compelled her dad to take the flat next to ours. And every blessed day, after school, we would secretly play mommy and daddy in their sitting room. Didn't I tell you I tasted the sweetness of love?


Months went languidly by and we grew fonder and fonder of each other. But everything changed when my stupid brother was made to repeat Nursery two. His misfortune almost destroyed a relationship that has lasted a year already.


I wouldn't know how the idea entered my brain, but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. I loved Hassan. He was my brother - a year older. He had always defended me. For his strength or fair skin I had no desire. I think it was his eyes! Yes, it was this! He had the eyes of a playboy - a piercing angular eyes laced with water. Whenever it fell upon Asmau, my heart shuddered; and so like an earthquake. Very gradually, I made up my mind to show him pepper, and thus save my beloved Asmau from his ravishing gaze.


He snatched my girlfriend a week into the term. And, no, no, no, I couldn't blame Asmau, for she was under the spell of his Chinese face. Unable to abandon her to this sad fate, I stood by her like true love should. But instead of winning her back, I was slowly condemned to be a gateman. I cursed Hassan in my heart each time I was made to open the gate in their mommy and daddy plays.


Maybe I wouldn't have proceeded with my horrible plan, if he hadn't tried to turn her against me. He told her not to play with me again, and the poor girl - unaware of her actions - didn't even say pim! to me. That day I decided to treat Hassan's fuck up, but the big guy beat me black and blue. Asmau was there, cheering him as he almost pummeled me to death. And if not because blue-black also signifies the presence of starch in my body, I would have committed suicide that day. Didn't I also tell you I tasted the bitterness of love?


But I wasn't going to leave Asmau for him, so I began the first phase of my plan. One day, on a Saturday, I spat thick phlegm into his pap before he could come out for breakfast. My eyes glinted as he ate because there was no way anyone could survive that. The phlegm came from that part of my heart where the betrayal hurt the most. Alas! In the afternoon, he came for me - stronger than ever. He came to tell me he needed a gateman as he and my Asmau will be daddy and mommy again.


That night, I dreamt that I'll lose out entirely if I didn't let sleeping dogs lie. Since then I have been opening gates, hoping that he'll repeat Nursery two again. And, guess what? He did. My Asmau and I can finally start all over again.


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6 comments

  1. This is just awesome.Happily ever after. Man I loved reading it

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    1. The inspiration came from you Akpakey. You just didn't know it. There was a time you posted a video of a smart kid, your nephew (I suppose), telling you he wants to marry Ebiaju (Is the spelling correct?). That video popped in my mind. Voilà.

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  2. Oooh yes I remember. 1st of all its so impressive how got got his exact age. Her name is hajara but he calls her "baby haju". just the way it is in the story they were next door neighbors. My sis and haju's mum are colleagues and friends. Quite Unfortunate for my nephew, his family moved to another street just some kilometers away from the former one. That was about 2years ago. Though Abba has a new playmate now "Dora" but It will amuse you that, the kid still request visiting haju as much as she request seeing him. I must say you made a whole movie out of that short video. Kudos!

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    1. Awwwnnn. That's lovely. I'd really like to meet the two love birds one day.

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