Men are Tired! Women should Propose Too!

 


Her heart races, her stomach twists, and her fingers tingle as though she's looking over the edge of a cliff. Half of her brain tirelessly writes and rewrites the script of what to say, while the other half clocks the nearest exit in the event of rejection. It feels much easier to opt out entirely and take a big seat among the nuns in the convent, but the aging lady is determined! She is determined to tell him how she really feels about him, to make something out of a relationship that's lasted ten years already, to propose a forever after.

But when she kneels and asks him the question, holding out a ring in front of people who have gathered with their camera phones in the mall, his smile suddenly turns sour, and he blurts out the question: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS NONSENSE? 

The rest is cliché.

If I am to ask, I know we all will have different opinions as to who (between the two) is to blame. But one thing I'm sure we all can agree on is that it is a 'risky' position to be in (like putting yourself on a chopping block), and one in which men are all too familiar.

It is customary that men do the asking, so there is no need to make a big fuss about it. But women??? I'd say why not? After all, women have all become feminists now. And isn't that what feminism is all about, bringing about equality of sexes in all aspects of public and private life?

Before the idea of feminism sinks deep, I think it's important to note here that it is just a means to an end. I don't believe in it (for the most part). Ask me why and I might come up with a revolutionary idea.

Unfortunately, the gender roles and expectations of the 'dating' world remains noticeably unchanged and somewhat unchallenged. Why?

Let's discuss the issue of rejection.

Everyone knows that rejection is inherent in this dynamic. We all know it is either a YES or a NO. And, more than anything, we know that we can't always get what we want. Why then should rejection be a deterrent when it comes to asking a guy out? Talk about double standard. Is it not the same rejection ladies dole out to guys on platters of gold?

Professing your love to someone requires that you put your ego on the line. I mean, if you have this a-whole-me kind of feeling/ attitude when it comes to telling your crush you like him, then you don't even deserve any guy to begin with. You are the female version of Adolph Hitler. No offense to the great jagaban.

And that loss of self-esteem that allegedly comes with rejection doesn't just appear out of thin air. It has always been there if you be honest with yourself- a time bomb waiting to explode. Rejection only served as the detonator.



However, what I think carries huge weight is the mode of rejection. Imagine this happened in the story that opened this writ: the guy collects the ring, pulls her up and does the proposal instead (just to save her the disgrace) and when they are alone, tells her he isn't ready. OR he accepts the ring, hugs her, and when they are alone, tells her he'd prefer to do the asking when he's ready. How do you think the lady would feel?

You see, rejection requires diplomacy. And any guy...I mean ANY GUY who lacks this trait isn't the best romantic option to begin with. He is a jerk who should be thrown (through the window) into the next plane going to Bermuda triangle.

Here's a plus: that idea of proposing in public places ehn! No be here! Don't be too crazy about it. It doesn't guarantee anything for both sexes. Moreover, some guys find it embarrassing, and you don't want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position.

The media cliché that links asking a guy out with 'desperation' and 'being cheap' is very absurd. And letting that hold you back is an insult to your somebodiness. Men shouldn't be the only ones allowed to ask for what they want without judgement. You deserve it, too. Moreover, a man that will treat you like thrash will do so, even if he gives you a state-of-the-art proposal in front of the English royal family. 



What's more, you never can tell if that young man is also into you. He may just be shy or something. Let me share a story I once posted on my Facebook page with you. You may have come across it somewhere else.

“A touching love story that will make u cry”
If you love someone, Tell Them, Don’t let your heart be broken by words left unspoken.

10th Grade:-
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called ‘best friend’. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her.
She said ‘thanks’ and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

11th grade:-
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, So I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go home.
She looked at me, said ‘thanks’ and gave me a kiss on the cheek..I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Senior year:-
One fine day she walked to my locker. “My date is sick” she said, ”he's not gonna go.” well, I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as ‘best friends’.
So we did. That night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes.
Then she said- “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Graduation:-
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine-but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said- ‘you’re my best friend, thanks’ and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Marriage:-
Now I sit in the pew of the church. That girl is getting married now to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said ‘you came !’.
She said ‘thanks’ and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Death:-
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my ‘best friend’.
At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years.
This is what it read:
‘I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends,
I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me !
………’I wish I did too…’
I thought to my self, and I cried.

If my future wife is reading this, I'd like to tell her that men find it attractive when ladies ask them out. It can be very flattering. You know, we want to feel wanted, too.

On a final note, most of the best marriages started out with a lady flipping the proposal script. You don't have to worry about the stats. Preconceived notions of what your relationships should look like would only hinder their growth. If you really want him, just take the plunge and tell him. End of story!

PS Once you make the move and he accepts, then your work is done. Let the young man step forward after that and take the reins.

This is where you give me a standing ovation. Gracias!

I wrote this article as guest post for aishaoredola.wordpress.com you won't regret visiting her blog

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