Her heart races, her stomach twists, and her fingers tingle as though she's looking over the edge of a cliff. Half of her brain tirelessly writes and rewrites the script of what to say, while the other half clocks the nearest exit in the event of rejection. It feels much easier to opt out entirely and take a big seat among the nuns in the convent, but the aging lady is determined! She is determined to tell him how she really feels about him, to make something out of a relationship that's lasted ten years already, to propose a forever after.
But when she kneels and asks him the question, holding out a ring in front of people who have gathered with their camera phones in the mall, his smile suddenly turns sour, and he blurts out the question: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS NONSENSE?
The rest is cliché.
If I am to ask, I know we all will have different opinions as to who (between the two) is to blame. But one thing I'm sure we all can agree on is that it is a 'risky' position to be in (like putting yourself on a chopping block), and one in which men are all too familiar.
Before the idea of feminism sinks deep, I think it's important to note here that it is just a means to an end. I don't believe in it (for the most part). Ask me why and I might come up with a revolutionary idea.
Unfortunately, the gender roles and expectations of the 'dating' world remains noticeably unchanged and somewhat unchallenged. Why?
Let's discuss the issue of rejection...
Everyone knows that rejection is inherent in this dynamic. We all know it is either a YES or a NO. And, more than anything, we know that we can't always get what we want. Why then should rejection be a deterrent when it comes to asking a guy out? Talk about double standard. Is it not the same rejection ladies dole out to guys on platters of gold?
Professing your love to someone requires that you put your ego on the line. I mean, if you have this a-whole-me kind of feeling/ attitude when it comes to telling your crush you like him, then you don't even deserve any guy to begin with. You are the female version of Adolph Hitler. No offense to the great jagaban.
And that loss of self-esteem that allegedly comes with rejection doesn't just appear out of thin air. It has always been there if you be honest with yourself- a time bomb waiting to explode. Rejection only served as the detonator.
However, what I think carries huge weight is the mode of rejection. Imagine this happened in the story that opened this writ: the guy collects the ring, pulls her up and does the proposal instead (just to save her the disgrace) and when they are alone, tells her he isn't ready. OR he accepts the ring, hugs her, and when they are alone, tells her he'd prefer to do the asking when he's ready. How do you think the lady would feel?
You see, rejection requires diplomacy. And any guy...I mean ANY GUY who lacks this trait isn't the best romantic option to begin with. He is a jerk who should be thrown (through the window) into the next plane going to Bermuda triangle.
Here's a plus: that idea of proposing in public places ehn! No be here! Don't be too crazy about it. It doesn't guarantee anything for both sexes. Moreover, some guys find it embarrassing, and you don't want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position.
Does asking a guy out mean a lady is desperate?
The media cliché that links asking a guy out with 'desperation' and 'being cheap' is very absurd. And letting that hold you back is an insult to your somebodiness. Men shouldn't be the only ones allowed to ask for what they want without judgement. You deserve it, too. Moreover, a man that will treat you like thrash will do so, even if he gives you a state-of-the-art proposal in front of the English royal family.
What's more, you never can tell if that young man is also into you. He may just be shy or something. Let me share a story I once posted on my Facebook page with you. You may have come across it somewhere else.
If my future wife is reading this, I'd like to tell her that men find it attractive when ladies ask them out. It can be very flattering. You know, we want to feel wanted, too.
On a final note, most of the best marriages started out with a lady flipping the proposal script. You don't have to worry about the stats. Preconceived notions of what your relationships should look like would only hinder their growth. If you really want him, just take the plunge and tell him. End of story!
PS Once you make the move and he accepts, then your work is done. Let the young man step forward after that and take the reins.
This is where you give me a standing ovation. Gracias!