Her heart races, her stomach twists, and her fingers tingle as though she's looking over the edge of a cliff. Half of her brain tirelessly writes and rewrites the script of what to say, while the other half clocks the nearest exit in the event of rejection. It feels much easier to opt out entirely and take a big seat among the nuns in the convent, but the aging lady is determined! She is determined to tell him how she really feels about him, to make something out of a relationship that's lasted ten years already, to propose a forever after.
But when she kneels and asks him the question, holding out a ring in front of people who have gathered with their phone cameras in the mall, his smile suddenly turns sour, and he blurts out the question: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS NONSENSE?
The rest is cliché.
If I am to ask, I know we all will have different opinions as to who (between the two) is to blame. But one thing I'm sure we all can agree on is that it is a 'risky' position to be in (like putting yourself on a chopping block), and one in which men are all too familiar.
One of the biggest deterrents for women is the fear of rejection. We all know that rejection is inherent in dating. We all know it is either a YES or a NO. And, more than anything, we know that we can't always get what we want. Why then should rejection be a reason for women not to ask a guy out? Talk about double standard. Is it not the same rejection ladies dole out to guys on platters of gold?
Professing your love to someone requires that you put your ego on the line. If you have the "a-whole-me" kind of attitude when it comes to telling your crush you like him, then you don't even deserve any guy to begin with. And that loss of self-esteem that allegedly comes with rejection doesn't just appear out of thin air. It has always been there if you be honest with yourself- a time bomb waiting to explode. Rejection only served as the detonator.
That said, the mode of rejection carries huge weight. Imagine this happened in the story that opened this writ: the guy collects the ring, pulls her up and does the proposal instead (just to save her the disgrace) and when they are alone, tells her he isn't ready. OR he accepts the ring, hugs her, and when they are alone, tells her he'd prefer to do the asking when he's ready. How do you think the lady would feel?
You see, rejection requires diplomacy, and any guy who lacks this trait isn't the best romantic option to begin with. He is a jerk who should be thrown (through the window) into the next plane going to Bermuda triangle.
Also, proposing in public places may seem romantic, but it doesn't guarantee anything for either sex. Moreover, some guys find it embarrassing, and you don't want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position.
The media cliché that links asking a guy out with 'desperation' and 'being cheap' is absurd, and letting that hold you back is an insult to your somebodiness. Men shouldn't be the only ones allowed to ask for what they want without judgement. You deserve it, too. Moreover, a man that will treat you like thrash will do so, even if he gives you a state-of-the-art proposal in front of the English royal family.
It is possible that the young man you are interested in is also interested in you but is too shy to ask. The story of the two best friends from my Facebook page is a touching reminder to let someone know how you feel before it's too late:
“A touching love story that will make u cry”If you love someone, Tell Them, don’t let your heart be broken by words left unspoken.10th grade: -As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called ‘best friend’. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her.She said ‘thanks’ and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.11th grade: -The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, So I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go home.She looked at me, said ‘thanks’ and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.Senior year: -One fine day she walked to my locker. “My date is sick” she said,” he's not gonna go.” well, I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as ‘best friends’.So, we did. That night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front doorstep. I stared at her as She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes.Then she said- “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.Graduation: -A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine-but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it.Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her.Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said- ‘you’re my best friend, thanks’ and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.Marriage: -Now I sit in the pew of the church. That girl is getting married now to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, ‘you came!’She said ‘thanks’ and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.Death: -Years passed; I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my ‘best friend’.At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years.This is what it read:‘I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends,I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!………’I wish I did too…’I thought to myself, and I cried.
In conclusion, the idea of women asking men out may be nerve-wracking, but it's not a desperate act. It's time to challenge the outdated gender roles in dating and embrace equality. And remember, rejection is just a part of the dating game, and it's not a reflection of your worth as a person.